The Epic Story of Truth: A Mary Sue Test
by The Girl with Fuzzy Socks
Summary: Do you fear that your character is a *GASP* Mary Sue? Then fear not, as I the Brave and Nobel authoress shall rid you of that fear... or confirm it.
1. Back to the Basics: Mary Sue

A/N: For people who are wondering if they have a Mary Sue on their hands, this is for you. I don't own anything, and if I offend you in any way, I am deeply sorry.  
Also, this is REALLY old. I am just posting this as I figured that littler me would have preferred that to be done. Anyways, on with the show!

**Scene 1- Starting out**

**List of Characters:**

**Authoress**

**Mary Sue**

_In an empty space in FanFictionLand, there was a desk top computer with a bored, crazy future Author-to-Be..._

**Authoress:** Well, here it is. My first story.

_(The _**Authoress **turns around and looks at her original character, Mary Sue. Mary Sue is a perfect silvery blonde with striking icy blue eyes. Her face is beautiful but stone cold in a beautiful way, with a scar across her cheek which makes her even more alluring. She wears clothes so beautiful they cannot be described in a simple sentence. As she speaks, her words sound like the Godess of Love speaking to you, alluring you in her perfect seductive voice.)

Mary Sue: Congratulations! What's it about?

Authoress: We're in it right now, and you're the star, of course. To all of you reading out there, welcome.

(Mary Sue looks straight at the readers, utterly confused.)

Authoress: You can't see them, but they're watching us. Anyway, this is a Mary Sue test. I suggest you do this if you have an original character, or an OC.

Mary Sue: Why am I here again?

Authoress: To show everyone what a Mary Sue is. The point of this is not to help me with my writing, but to help the new fanfictioneers with theirs..

Mary Sue: Fanfictioneers?

(Authoress turns around and faces the readers, ignoring Mary Sue's statement. Authoress takes out a short stack of papers)

Authoress: This is the basic Mary Sue test, however, more will be added on later to go into specific categories. If you have five OCs and I have ten tests, you're gonna have to do this 50 times.

(Mary Sue understands what is going on in her Mary Sue-like ways and faces the readers with a huge smile)

Mary Sue: That's right. Each test is for a certain category, and the first few will be two tests- one for a certain branch of Transformers and one for a branch on my family tree.

Authoress: Correct. This one is a basic test, to go over all overall rules and guidelines to the format of my version of the tests that have been done but in a Transformers related genre, such as the Original Mary Sue Litmus ... or was it Original Litmus Mary Sue test?

(Authoress ponders in deep thought, while Mary Sue stands up to explain more.)

Mary Sue: This is going to be written in a light-hearted format, to make it easier to read. However, me and my family are huge problems.

(Authoress snaps out of deep thought to explain the last part)

Authoress: Some of the questions will be written in that do NOT have points. If you have a Beta Reader, a close friend, or perhaps yourself, they will look over the questions to see if the character may qualify for being a Mary Sue.

Mary Sue: I am a creation of the Authoress, but there's tons of others named Mary Sue. Including the original from Star Trek...

Authoress: And I don't own them. On with the show!

THE BEGINNING: MARY SUE BASIC TEST

This basic test is to see if any original character, fit for the Transformers franchise owned by Hasbro, qualifies for being the famed "Mary Sue". Although this test is yet to be tested, it will be changed with complaints filed by reviewers. Not all characters labeled "Mary Sue" in this test is Mary Sue, and vice versa.

What's the name of your character, and is he/she male or female?  
Write this down somewhere, and use tally marks to write this down  
(Sidenote: If they are the same gender as you, add a point)

**GENERAL:**

Is this character a self-insert in ANY way? (+10)

Does this character have an unusual name for their time period? (+5)  
... named after you in any way, shape, or form? (+5)

Does you character possess an unusual trait in the universe written for(Such as: magic, communication with Primus, MiniBot in Beast Wars, etc) that is beneficial to  
your character/other characters/plot? (+5)

Is this character paired with any canon character? (+10)

... someone paired in the show? (IE: Someone in G1 paired with Spike, someone in Movieverse paired with Sam, etc..) (+5)

Related to anyone in the show? (+10)  
... someone who CANNOT possibly have any relatives of that matter? (+5)  
**  
**Do they suffer any of these common human Mary Sue diseases?  
... "Barbie" syndrome? (The first doctor-lawyer-king in space!) (+5)  
... "Kirk" syndrome? (Can make anybody fall in love with them) (+5)  
... "Rebellious princess" syndrome? (Rebel, typically female, who goes against the rules) (+5)

Has anybody complained in serious manner (not "OMGZ ur caraterz a MARY SUE") that your character is a Mary Sue? (+10)  
... more than one? (+15)  
... more than five? (+1,000)

**If your character is a TRANSFORMER...**

Is this character a Transformer in a place and/or with a skill unusual for canon? (+10)

...was a human at some point and time? (+5)

Are they a Decepticon who turns good in the end? (+5)  
... forced to be a Decepticon? (+5)

Do they have any unusual features?  
... unusual alt-mode (a flying Autobot in Transformers: Animated) (+5)  
... unusual optic color? (someone with yellow optics in Transformers: Animated) (+5)  
... unusual ANYTHING? (+5)

Are their weapons IRRATIONAL for Transformers? (A wand is not rational) (+5)

**If your character is a HUMAN or TECHNO-ORGANIC**

Is this character someone in a place and/or with a skill unusual for them? (+10)  
... has something unique happen to them to give them power or turn them into a techno-organic/cyborg? (+3)  
**  
**Are they evil but turn good in the end? (+5)  
... was forced to be evil by the Decepticons? (+5)

Do they have any unusual features?  
... unusual hair color, eye color, or other feature of that sort? (+5)  
... unusual strength based on their build? (Skinny but extremely strong) (+5)

Ask yourself... do you consider yourself sometimes wishing YOU were that character or that you knew him/her so they could kick someone's aft?

Tallyho! The Scoring Board:

10-20 points: Holy Primus, this is NOT a Sue. Maybe spice 'em up a bit?

21-50 points: A good character. Be wary, however, you may want to take it down a notch.

51-80 points: FRAG! A Mary Sue. But don't worry, you can fix them.

81 and above:You may want to scrap this character RIGHT NOW!

THE END: Basic Mary Sue Test

(The Authoress sighs heavily)

Authoress: Now, this isn't exactly a perfect Mary Sue test. There is no perfect Mary Sue test. Ever.

Mary Sue: Yup!

(Mary Sue flashes a perfect smile as she transforms into a silver metal techno-organic who radiated with AllSpark power)

Mary Sue: Now then... my friends, you shall see me in action along with the Autobots and the Decepticons to demonstrate my WONDERFUL abilities. Until then, I must destroy evil!

(Mary Sue disappears in a bright flash of light, leaving silver AllSpark dust. The Authoress stares at the spot)

Authoress: ... AllSpark dust?

(The Authoress sighs, then gets on the internet and randomly surfs around until she falls asleep on the keyboard)


	2. OMG HAWT: Gary Stu

**A/N: Thanks to mooncrossed, Master of Wishes, and metal-firetamer91 for reviewing. Now on with the show! **

In a bedroom with a small laptop at hand, an authoress and a beautiful 18-year-old young woman with dazzling looks enough to make Prowl fall helm over pedes for her were staring at the screen.

"You're doing another chapter? Seriously, I think they got the point!" The blonde heroine said, running her fingers through her hair worthy enough to make Rapunzel gaze at the locks with envy.

The Authoress sighed, looking at Mary Sue, "You just don't want me to help others fix your siblings, do you?"

Mary Sue sighed. Her long blonde hair went down to her hips. Her Autobot-blue eyes like Optimus Prime's could make a man faint and a woman gaze at her with envy for her seductive eyes. Her dress went down to the floor, gadgets hidden inside but still gave her a slender yet curvy figure. Mary Sue's shoes were perfect glass high heels that were high but she still was able to walk perfectly in them. They were so dazzling that they made Cinderella gaze at them with envy.

Her pink full perfect lips pouted "No, of course not!"

The Authoress sighed "You will never learn, Mary Sue 2. Never ever. Well, maybe because you're designed to be that way."

Mary Sue smiled, a smile so bright it could bring Optimus Prime back to life. Although that really didn't count for much, as Optimus Prime keeps dying and coming back to life anyways.

'My sister is off to meet the Animated Autobots," She said out of the blue, as if to move the story along with her elegant voice that could make the sirens seeth with envy.

"You sound a lot like your sister. Ah well, better go check on her." The Authoress said, typing away at the laptop in her lap.

_**MEANWHILE, ON THE FANFICTIONY LAND OF THE COMPUTER**_-

Prime was lonely. He missed Arcee. He needed another girl.

_**THEN MAGICALLY, OUT OF NOWHERE, AN INJURED GIRL BEING CHASED BY**_ … that Decepticon with the multiple personalities. Yeah, Lugnut.

… _**BEING CHASED BY LUGNUT APPEARS WITH A GINORMOUS PIECE OF THE ALLSPARK IN HER HANDS**_

"You will never get me alive, human girl of awesomeness!" Shockwave said, turning into a gun and shooting her.

Prime stood up. He was going to save her. None of the other Autobots were present because it would be inconvenient if they do.

THEN SUDDENLY- She turns into a beautiful techno-organic and kills Soundwave immediately. Prime gasped.

The girl fainted, so Prime picked her up and took her back to the base

_*%W$^W^$^_

Prime gave the fainted techno organic to Hatchet, who gaped at her in awe. Prime was crushin' bad on this new girl, but not Hatchet because he's old and smelly lololol

"Prime, where's that weird narrator coming from?" Hatchet said, then forgot it with a poof of Fourth-Wall-MAGICALNESS and went to work healing this girl.

Prowler and Bee walked in, not fighting at all. They gaped at this new girl and immediately they began crushin' on her too.

_**TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I WAKE UP TOMORROW- Read and review or i kilz her muahahaha**_

The Authoress sighed, suddenly becoming bored with this and turning to Mary Sue 2. Well, let's call her Sue 2.

"I'm supposed to represent the Mary Sue who isn't blessed with powers but the girl who is loved or envied by everyone!' Sue 2 said, her melodic voice making these words more like a tune from a Disney movie. "We are the most common, as we aren't noticed as much. If everyone loves her and the people who don't love her are evil, then she is a Mary Sue!"

_(DISCLAIMER: IF THIS CHARACTER IS IN A ROLE-PLAY AND YOU DID NOTHING TO CAUSE THIS, IGNORE WHAT SHE SAID. GOT IT?)_

"That's right," The Authoress said "And now, as you will be the one who accompanies me from now on, I bring you our first special guest- Gary Stu! Come on, Gary Stu!"

Suddenly, a 20 year old man walks in. He has bright green eyes and black hair that shined. He wore plain jeans... and nothing else. His HAWT abs made Taylor Launtner look scrawny.

The Authoress swooned, but Sue 2 didn't because well, that was her BROTHER!

"Hello, I'm Gary Stu. I was orphaned and given this awful name, so my nickname is Edward McAwesome." The Authoress was still staring at his HAWT abs.

"I'm here today to teach you the dangers of the Gary Stu. Unfortunately, I'm harder to identify because me and my brother Marty Lou are so hot we swoon all of the girls." The Authoress wasn't paying attention when he spoke, just gazing at his HAWTNESS

"Many, many fangirls LOVE Gary Stus because we are so hot and lovable. We are MUCH harder to find from a woman's (or homosexual man's) eye, so if you wish to get the character checked it is recommended that you get it from someone who will NOT get a crush on them."

The Authoress blinked as a shirt magically appeared on Edward McAwesome's body, ending her staring.  
"Even I fall for the trap of the Gary Stu," She said 'It's harder to find one of these and he's less picked on because he's so fraggin' HAWT!"

THE BEGINNING: The Basic Gary Stu/Marty Lou test

This is specifically for guys. Guys can do Mary Sue tests, but girls cannot do Gary Stu tests for a reason that will be explained. Also, not all guys who are labeled a Gary Stu in this test are a Gary Stu, and vice versa.

What's his name? Write it down somewhere and tally these marks down.

**GENERAL: **

Is he a self insert of you (if you're a guy), or any guy you have a crush on? (+10)

Are his looks based on a guy you have a crush on or any celebraties? (+5)

Does he have an unusual name for his time period? (5)  
… one that makes him sound cool, grown-up, or hot? (+5)  
Does he have any unusual features? (+5)  
… that make him more desirable? (+5)

Does he possess an unusual and/or helpful power/trait for that universe? (+5)  
… one that makes him cooler, more lovable, or hot? (+5)

Is he unnaturally buff or strong for how much he works out? (+5)  
… never works out or active? (+15)

Is he paired with any canon character? (+5)  
… just for yaoi? (+5)  
… created JUST so he could be with this character, nothing else? (-1)  
… do you compare this canon character with yourself? (+5)

Does he have "Kirk" syndrome? (Does he date A LOT of women?) (+5)  
… slept with a lot of women? (+10

… but this does not bring him down in any way? (+5)

IF HE IS PAIRED WITH YOUR ORIGINAL CHARACTER, MARY SUE, OR SELF-INSERT..

Do they fall in love at first sight? (+5)  
… but don't admit it until near the end after some extremely romantic scenes? (+5)

Is he the "bad boy", the one they warn the OC about but doesn't listen? (+5)  
… evil? (+10)  
… turns good in the end? (+5)

Did you make this character to be with this character and purposefully made him HAWT?

**IF HE IS A MECH~**

Is he a Transformer in a skill and place unusual for them (An OC in G1 that is more powerful than Megatron but on the good side and becomes Prime?) (+10)  
...was a human at some point and time? (+5)

Are they a Decepticon who turns good in the end? (+5)  
... forced to be a Decepticon? (+5)

Does he have any unusual features?  
... unusual alt-mode (a flying Autobot in Transformers: Animated) (+5)  
... unusual optic color? (someone with yellow optics in Transformers: Animated) (+5)  
... unusual ANYTHING? (+5)

Are his weapons RATIONAL for Transformers? (A wand is not rational) (+5)

Ask yourself... do you think this character has traits or is the dream guy in your mind?

Tallyho! The Scoring Board:  
10-20 points: Holy Primus, this is NOT a Stu. Maybe spice 'em up a bit?  
21-50 points: A good character. Be wary, however, you may want to take it down a notch.  
51-80 points: FRAG! A Gary Stu. But don't worry, you can fix them.  
81 and above:You may want to scrap this character RIGHT NOW! But first, send me a picture of him!

Gary Stu is a different type of Sue because his hotness will not be caught by the average female reader because she will be too busy swooning over him. This type is much more common in movies, television, and anime/manga than fanfiction, although they are there too. While girls will be picked on for being Mary Sues, the Gary Stu will often be ignored as one but instead put into the hearts of many teenage girl fans.

THE END: The Basic Gary Stu/Marty Lou test

The Authoress sighed, the keys and the screen on her laptop puffing out smoke.  
"I guess my time is up then." Gary Stu said, about to disappear in his magical ways.

"NOOOOOOOOOO~ I mean, you're replacing Sue 2 as the regular Mary Sue to be on here!" The Authoress said. Sue 2 disappeared in a poof of smoke, going to a random Transformers universe to wreak havoc.

"And that ends the chapter, folks. Let's let Gary Stu say what's coming next!"

Gary Stu sighed; this happened a lot "Next, we shall be discovering the dangers of Canon-Sues and what the frag happened to poor Prowl."

**A/N: C&C**


	3. Prowler: The Canon SueOOCness

A/N: Thanks to mooncrossed and Predwolf for reviewing this story! You guys ROCK MY SOCKS!

Authoress: HI PEOPLE! Thanks for tuning in to another chapter of the Epic Story Of Truth: A Mary Sue Test! Now let's have Edward McAwesome say what this chapter is about *giggles*

Edward: Why do you keep changing the format?

Authoress: To make this more fun to write, of course! *giggles again*

Edward: Oooooookay then. This chapter is about the rare Canon Sue.

_CUT! _

_Some of you poor new fanfictioneers will be saying "WTF does a cannon have to do with a Mary Sue?" Canon is a fanfiction term that you probably won't see anywhere else. It means something that is present in the series and is almost like a fact about whatever is considered "canon". Such as how the characters behave (or even just the characters themselves!) A Canon character is a character present in the series. Anything else that a fanfictioneer adds in is original, such as a character (hence the term "original character" or OC) _

_BACK TO THE SHOW! _

Edward: They are characters that are in the series, but have been changed in the fanfiction story in some way or another to turn them into a Mary Sue.

Authoress: Yup! Typically you never see these, but they do happen. It's like turning a character who is always evil in canon, turning them good and having them discover an amazing power with all the typical Mary Sue traits present. Unfortunately, I can't bring in any Canon Sues because, well, it might damage the canon character's mental stability.

Edward: She's got a point.

Authoress: So as a little break point as I try to figure out what to do, I think you all are wondering what happened to the first Mary Sue? Let's find out...

_**I**__**N TEH WONDEROUS LAND OF FANFICTIONY STUFF~~**_

The beautiful techno-organic woke up. Hatchet was gone and wont come back becuz you know, nobody lykes that stinky old bot lololol

Bulky walked by and gazed at her beautifullynesserific, and that'll be his only appearance becuz nobody lykes him either lololol

Prime, Bee, and Prowler were around Mary Sue's bed/berth thingy

"Man, you're cute!" Bee said, then covered his mouth thingy. Prowler and Prime facepalmed in an awesome way.

"Why thank you..." She said, her voice as smooth as Jazz's dancing moves (a/n: rrotflololo amirite?)

"Who are you?" Prime said. As she was extremely honest, she said in a beautiful voice "I am Megatron's lost daughter." LE GASP!

"Oh noez!" Prowler said "Oh well, youre good right?"

"Yup!"

"Okay then we're good." Prime said "Do you want to join us in awesome adventures?"

"YUP!" She said, sounding seductive in a weird way.

All of the guys blushed randomly as she was as

_**HAWT**_

as her brother Edward McAwesome.

_**BLAHBLAHBLAH**_

They were in a tight situation. Megatron had captured them! OH NOEZ!

Suddenly, Mary Sue appeared. She took out a giant hammer and smashed Galvatron to pieces.

Then she took out a hair pin from her lovely locks and used it to open the giant freakin' cage Prime Bee and Prowl were in.

"You saved us! How can I ever repay you?" Prime said.

Then suddenly, in a random act of villainy, Blitzwing came up and began beating the crap out of Bee.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!" Mary Sue saved Bee but unfortunately it came with a price- her life!

She died in Prime's arms.

"*sniffle* SHE WAS TOO YOUNG *sniffle*" Prime sobbed.

_**THE END!**_ (finally...)

Authoress: I figured out what to do!

Edward; What?

Authoress: I will bring in not a Canon Sue but a mech who has suffered through many couples- Prowl!

TFA Prowl: ?

Authoress: Not you, the G1 Prowl. If any of the readers out there EVERY go into the M catergory... watch out for the Prowlx? stories.

Edward: But I thought you were a yaoi fangirl?

Authoress: Yes, I am. But alas, when Prowl is paired up with Jazz, Ratchet, the Lambo Twins (Sideswipe and Sunstreaker), Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and has had Starscream on more than one story violate him, it's kind of sad.

Edward: That's not bad.

Authoress: BUT RATCHET IS SUPPOSED TO BE WITH~ Ah, never mind. But anyways, Prowl is a good example of a character who is thrusted into many odd situations. Not exactly a Canon Sue, but more so one of those characters who is often in OOC.

_CUT!_

_Now to all you poor new fanfictioneers will be saying "WTF is OOC and what does it have to do with a police car?" OOC stands for Out of Character, meaning a canon character acts like they are not usually. Such as an evil character showing an act of kindness. Also, when role-playing, it is a comment you say when you are not "in character" or IC. Such as talking about how cool Justin Bieber is. Okay, not that, because you'll get run over by Megatron if you do. _

_BACK TO THE SHOW!_

Prowl [The G1 one]: Will somebody please tell me what is going on here?

Authoress: I'M PAIRING YOU UP WITH BUMBLEBEE! YAYNESS! *giggles like a rabid fangirl*

Prowl: *twitches as if he is about to crash* What?

Edward: It's okay, bud. We're just going to ask you some questions...

Authoress: At least he isn't Red Alert, or we'd be called Decepticons *giggles some more*

Prowl: What kind of questions?

Authoress: Ya know, your feelings about your protrayal, OOCness, if Ratchet should hook up with Wh-I mean, etc etc...

Prowl: Protrayal?

Edward: Like, you know, how you are protrayed as stiff and work-centric in the beginning of most stories...

Authoress: *cuts him off* But then you get strapped to a berth and-

Prowl: *processor crash*

Edward:... I think you killed him.

*FANGIRLS die everywhere*

Authoress: OH SLAG! Quick, how do we wake him up? *G1 Jazz appears out of nowhere and fangirl screams can be heard*  
**_  
_**Edward and Authoress: O_O" SLAG NO!

Jazz: *pouts and poofs in a cloud of sparkly roses*

Prowl: *gets up, rubbing head* Why do I feel so...

Authoress: Out of character? Well, each time you get shifted a different author may protray you in a slightly different way. Like me.

Edward: Yes, indeed *fangirl screams for his _**HAWT**_ness*

Prowl: So my protrayel is... work-centric? I do take my work as second-in-command quite seriously, if that's what you mean.

Authoress: This is why, my friends, Prowl always turns out gay *points a finger at him* I mean seriously, from all the series charaters with the fate of Prowl...they seem to have that atribute of not being able to be in a romantic relationship.

Edward: Now onto a related question... what do you think of your out of character-ness?

Prowl: ...what?

Authoress: Oh well. That's Prowl for ya. He's probably not going to know anything about this.

Prowl: If you mean by the fact I turn into someone who, er, likes to interface then it just does not seem like who I am.

Edward: *coughs* So you're saying something drastic, say, involving the Seeker trine and an M story, would have to change your mind...

Authoress: *smacks Edward* Hey, we don't want to scare him...

Sue 2: *pops out of a portal* What about hooking up Ratchet and Wheeljack?

Authoress: Hey, who let you in here? *kicks her into the Kiss Player universe*

Edward:... so what now?

Authoress: Well, because Canon Sues are pretty much non-existint in my mind and all you have to do to find one is to take the original form of the character, put them through the Mary Sue test, then add the changes you did and put that character through the Mary Sue test to see if they're a Sue or not compared to their previous scores.

Edward: .. so what now?

Authoress: *sighs* Well, we have Prowl here. We can ask him some more questions.

Prowl: I didn't agree to any of this.

Edward: *flashing a perfect smile* We know you didn't ;)

Authoress: So, Prowl, what do you think of all of the people coupling you up together?

Prowl: Excuse me?

Authoress: Like, you know, having you interface with Jazz and stuff, having sparklings-

Prowl: *processor crash*

Authoress: Well, that pretty much wraps up our chapter *uses Authoress powers to put Prowl on a Transformers sized couch* Next chapter, more Prowl questions and the Angsty Sue!

MEANWHILE IN A DEEP SCARY PLACE KNOWN AS THE "KISS PLAYER UNIVERSE"

*this scene has been edited out for scary Kiss Player content*

THE END!

A/N: No, there is no Kiss Player content because I'm lazy, don't know the series and don't want to. Edward might seem OOC, but he isn't because if you haven't noticed he knows EVERYTHING, which is common for Mary Sues.

Also, if anybody wants to ask Prowl questions I'll gladly take them, although I'm not really looking for them.

If anybody can tell me where the hair pin moment is from, you get a cookie!

Disclaimer: I own Edward McAwesome and myself. That is it.

C&C [Comment and Critque]


	4. It's a Horrible Life: Angsty Sue

**A/N: I'm sorry for not updating in a while. I get lazy sometimes.**

**Anyways, thank you mooncrossed, Predwolf, and PlayTheGameWithBacon for reviewing. Mmm, bacon...**

**This is my longest chapter yet! Which is rather sad considering most people's writing.**

**I'm going to go sulk now due to my lack of words.  
**

**On with the show!**

Rain splattered against the darken pavement. A young teen, looking around to be the age of 14, leaned against a wall in an alleyway. Her ink black hair flowed down her back, with uneven yet somehow matching cuts. Her bangs covered most of her eyes, which looked almost coal black in the dark. She wore a loose black top, worn from use but still managed to look half decent, and a pair of torn up blue jeans. If one looked closely, one could see scars of cuts and bruises across her arms and legs. The girl was bare foot, with her feet dusted with black dirt.

She lifted her face to the sky, letting the rain fall upon her face like the tear drops of her past sorrow. An, as she was known as, took out a swiss army knife and played with it, scratching a poem on the walls.

Rain falls from the Sky

The sky weeps cold tears of sorrow

As lightning strikes Earth

Her chocolate eyes gazed at the poem, it describing the last four years of her terrible life. Her eyes began to water as she remembered the horrible things she had to endure in such a short time... four years... four years...

SWOOOOOSH!

An snapped her head over to her right, in which a young Authoress-to-Be begins scrapping the wall with a poem of her own. An stared at this poem as she read it out loud quietly to herself as the Authoress wrote.

There once was a girl named An

Who bought a very nice fan

She picked it up with style

Then found out it was vile

And threw it away promptly too

An blinked. She had never seen such a ridiculous poem in her entire life. She put away her knife as the Authoress looked at An with a grin, a grabbing arm dragged her away from her comfortable alley. The Authoress skipped in the rain with such a childish joy that An could not believe her eyes. Was this crazy, insane person taking her away? And why was she suddenly immobile?

No time for questions. This wasn't the worst that she had to endure, she told herself. At least this person didn't look like she was trying to kill her. An began to form words in her mouth, but seemed to lack the ability to say them. It was the queerest thing she had ever had gone through so far. No physical damage done to her yet she seemed to be able to control her. An's black hair flopped away from her face from the rain, unable to move it due to her being... well, unable to move.

Finally, she began to be able to form words. "E-excuse m-me, b-but where are y-you taking m-me?" An asked tentatively, her stuttering due to her lacking control.

The Authoress answered with a cheery tone, something unusual for this weather, "To my story, of course, of course a horse!"

She began bursting into laughter as An began to be able to make out a house-like structure in front of her... only it was two dimensional looking. And poorly drawn to boot. Those flowers looked like...

"We're here! Woohoo!" The Authoress let go of An, however, she still couldn't move. The strange girl fumbled with a key ring in her hand, picking a rather large key shaped like a book somehow and unlocking the door in front of her. Almost automatic, An walked into this room as the Authoress held the door open for her.

"Now, let's get you warmed up..."

A bit later, An was sitting by a fireplace wearing a new set of clothes and sipping some hot chocolate. Man, as long as the hot chocolate wasn't poisoned, she could finally be happy...

That was, until the Authoress began talking.

"Welcome to a new chapter of the Epic Story of Truth: A Mary Sue Test! I'm your host, the Authoress, and here we have our newest guest, Angst Sue!" Out of the blue, an applause came from all around them, making An jump. Oh dear no, this had to be a dream. Wake up... wake up... wake up...

"Today, we'll be talking about an Angsty Sue. These little critters are common especially in the TFA universe, where OCs thrive."

_[We see Bulkhead in a class room, wearing a cap]_

_A brief lesson in history done by none other than the famous Professor Bulkhead himself! Say hello, children!_

_..._

_No hellos? Seriously? Why aren't I getting paid for this, Authoress?_

_Anyways, [At this point Prof. Bulkhead points to a chalkboard containing an diagram of a girl wearing gothic like clothing with a scar across her face]_

_This here is a good example of what an Angsty Sue typically looks like. You see here that she has a sad look to her face? That represents her sad past, usually involving bad people hurting her._

_[Prof. Bulkhead points to the scar across her cheek] The noticeable scar... a physical one. The mental ones are when you get to know her!_

_[He points to her gothic clothing] Non-conformist!_

_[Finally, Prof. Bulkhead just swishes his hands around her entire body] SHE'S A LIVING BREATHING SUE!_

_Anyways, what is a Angst Sue? I really don't know, but these place cards really help._

_An Angst Sue is a character who is the annoying girl who suffers a bad back story of rape and abuse and complains about it... a lot. People feel sorry for her and she wears non-conformist clothes "in a very conformist manner". She is mysterious, unknown, and nobody understands her. She's called angst because it's a word to describe fear that comes with depression... which is what Angsty Sue typically has. The Authoress finds it to be common among the people in TFA, as Prowl apparently goes for these types of people.  
_

_Wait, Prowl? What the frag, Authoress? He's my buddy and all, but we never were really interested in going out with any femmes or mechs. He wasn't considered attractive either! You never told me about this!_

_I'm leaving. Apparently no fan girl loves me. Slag you all, glitches!_

An stared blankly at the Authoress. The video tape was rather odd, especially considering the giant robot.

"You see, Angst Sue, you're the example for today! Now where's mai special cohost Edward McAwesome?"

As if on cue, a man began walking down the stairs. His eyes sparkled, his skin glowed, ohhh man he was a hottie all right. An began to melt at the sight of him... how was this possible for a man to be so handsome?

"I'm here, ladies. Gaze in absolute awe," He flashed a perfect pearly white smile, breaking the fourth wall as the fangirls swooned at his sight. An kept her grip on reality, but her eyes swelled up with hearts.

"We all love having you here. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, it's time to- wait, where's Prowler?"

Suddenly, an optic peered through the window. It's colour was an icy blue, as if that of a cold frost.

"There you are! Everybody wave to the gay guy!"

Nobody waved. The blue eye disappeared for a second, then came back.

A male voice was heard saying, "I am not gay!" multiple times with frequent mumblings.

"Now, we should go on with the show, eh Angst Sue?" The Authoress turned to An, although An had no idea what she was talking about.

"M-my name isn't A-Angsty Sue, i-it's An," She said, her voice growing stronger with each word, "I h-have no idea why you're keeping m-me here, but I demand out! I have nothing to do with you psychos!"

The Authoress and Edward McAwesome stared at each other for a few seconds. Then the oddest thing happened: they burst out laughing.

"Ahahaha!"

She wiped a tear from her eye "Oh man, that's funny... Angst Sue, have you forgotten who you are? Has it been that long since I created you and left you loose that you forgot your purpose?"

An had a blank stare. What was this strange girl talking about? She wasn't "Angst Sue", she was "An", a girl who has fate taken the wrong way on her! What is this madness?

"She has," Prowl said from the window. "She shows behaviour of true confusion."

"Well then, this brings me off my plan," The Authoress said. "Oh well, on with the test!"

THE BEGINNING: The Basic Angsty Sue Test

Write down your character's name somewhere and mark these points down.

**GENERAL:**

Is this character's name something dark or mysterious? (+5)

... a given nickname from their past? (+5)

Does your character have a knack for getting themselves into trouble? As in, getting beat up, abused physically, mentally, or emotionally? (+5)

... almost to the point they thrive on it? (+5)

Does your character have a "tragic backstory"?

... lost a parent? (+5)

... an orphan? (+5)

... abused by parents? (+5)

... in an abusive relationship? (+5)

... More than once? (+5)

... raped? (+5)

... neglected? (+5)

... on the streets? (+5)

... ran away? (+5)

... lost a close friend or relative? (+5)

... taken in by the good guys out of pity? (+5)

... but runs away from them? (+5)

... taken in by the bad guys? (+5)

... abused by them (+5)

... for no reason? (+5)

... "emo"? (+5)

... participated in illegal activities, such as drugs and robbery? (+5)

... anorexic? Any form...(+5)

... anything else that happened that was life scarring and/or cause of anger/fear towards a group? (+5 for each one)

Does your character have depression? (+10)

Is your character, either said in the story or in your opinion, "misunderstood"? (+10)

In honest opinion, does your character mope too much about their past? (+5)

Do canon characters feel pity towards your character? (+5)

... which is how she scored a relationship? (+5)

Is your character in a relationship with a canon character? (+5)

... abusive? (+5)

... more so starting out as the canon character's "pet", but turns into "something more"? (+5)

... raped by a canon character? (+5)

**APPEARANCE:**

Does your character have a "gothic" look? Meaning that he/she wears dark clothing, skulls, pale makeup, etc... (+15)

Does your character have many scars? (+5)

... but somehow don't effect her appearance? (+5)

If your character is a Transformer...

Mostly dark colours? (+5)

Has painted skulls or gothic features onto them? (+5)

Speaking of Transformers...

**FOR TRANSFORMERS:**

Is your character an Autobot, but captured by the Decepticons and abused?(+5)

... instead of Autobot, a Neutral? (+5)

... reversed? "Is your character a Decepticon, but captured by the Autobots and abused?" (+10)

Was your character's parents killed by the enemy faction while the character was a sparkling?

Tallyho! The Scoring Board:

10-20 points: Holy Primus, this is NOT a Sue. Maybe spice 'em up a bit?

21-50 points: A good character. Be wary, however, you may want to take it down a notch.

51-80 points: FRAG! A Mary Sue. But don't worry, you can fix them.

81 and above:You may want to scrap this character RIGHT NOW!

THE END: The Basic Angsty Sue Test

The Authoress smiled at the readers, breaking down the fourth wall. She turned to look at An, planning to plop her into a story as an example, but... she was gone. In her place was Edward McAwesome tied up, his gaze at the mirror that was put in her hand. The door was swung open, letting a rat-tat-tat as the wing began to blow.

Using her epic author powers, the Authoress attempted to bring back An. Her mind began to form words and write, as if her mind was a piece of paper and her thoughts the pencil. But as much as she "wrote" of An coming back... she wasn't appearing. Oh no. It happened again...

The Authoress ran outside and looked at the large Transformer that was now recharging on the ground.

"Prowler! Wake up!

The police car rolled over, getting up.

"What do you want from me? I am already out of character enough!" He snarled at her, his attempt to get some recharge while he was kidnapped ruined.

"Oh stop being such a sour patch kid! I need your help!"

Prowl looked at her. He did help humans... but she was no human. A monster. "Can you not just use those author powers of yours? It does work 97.89 percent of the time, you know."

"It didn't work this time!" The Authoress said with obvious fear in her eyes. She looked scared... this was unusual, "She's escaped my Authoress ability! A mind of her own!"

She sniffled "So much for an Author I am... I already lost two others, they could form an army!"

Prowl looked at her. The Authoress' systems were in hyperdrive as she spoke with frantic pace, the gibberish too fast for even Blurr to understand.

"Fine! I'll help you!" Prowl interrupted her as he transformed into his automobile mode, "I must do what is right."

"Thank you thank you thank you!" The Authoress said, wiping a tear and hugging the car.

Prowl opened the door for her. If helping her got him out of this Pit faster and back into his normal life, he'd do it. The Authoress hopped in and scooted over to the passenger side, then fastened her seat belt.

"Where did the human girl go?"

"I don't know. But I can use my Authoress powers to make a lane towards where she probably is!"

"Probably?" Prowl asked.

"Yeah. Probably. We're hoping she'll go to the place she's most likely to end up at... the cross roads of Fanfictionland."

This made absolutely no sense at all to Prowl as he began driving away, following a one-way road that seemed to appear out of nowhere. At least the Authoress shut up, she was busy concentrating on making the road. Anyways, he didn't understand anything about humans and their culture. Maybe when he'd get back home, he could ask Jazz about fanfiction.

"Awww! You're thinking of your boyfriend!"

What the Pit? "Jazz is not my lover."

Meanwhile, in the House, Edward McAwesome was still staring at himself. Oh man, he was HAWT!

An was running. She didn't care where she was going, she wanted to get away from these crazy lunatics. The city was now never ending. After a while, the building began looking the same, becoming a blob of black that streaked behind her as she ran. Then, there was an unusual blob that she passed. She stopped in her tracks and turned around.

It was a person! A normal, human person. She walked up to him, gazing at his features. Brown hair, blue eyes.

"Hello! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man stared at her. He looked to be no older than 18.

"Resistance is futile. Surrender now." He said in a monotonous voice, his words seeming to convey no emotion as if he was robotic. He then grabbed her and began dragging her the opposite way, the way she came.

"No!" An took out her swiss army knife and switched a blade open, tearing it into the man's skin multiple times. What she saw shocked her...

Wires. That meant... he was a robot. Or at least a 'Borg.

"Get away!" He let his grip go when An slashed his face, giving her enough time to run. She began running faster, faster than she had before.

An continued running. Now she was frightened, afraid of what she was going to encounter. She passed by a few more of these robots, but ran before any of them could grab her.

Then her worst fear came true- she began to tire. There was no end of this road in sight, so An just kept on running. Her feet were blistering, she was parched and famished, and to boot she was running from kidnappers!

An began to slow. Her eyes began to fall, making it difficult to concentrate. Her stomach growled as her throat cried for water. Finally, she passed out, her last sight that of her hitting concrete.

What she did not see, however, was a few minutes later as a floating figure approached her and looked over her body. The floating figure touched the ground, her feet delicately landing to make no sound. Observing her, she carefully picked her up and flew away, taking her...


End file.
